16- Quranic Gem
المال و البنون زينة الحياة الدنيا و الباقيات الصالحات خير عند ربك ثَوَابا و خير املا
“Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But enduring good deeds are better to your Lord for reward and better for [one’s] hope.”
Children are indeed a great blessing of Allah. Those of us who have children should be very very grateful to Allah for this bounty. These very children are the ones that will benefit us after death. Rasulullah صلي الله عليه و يلم said,
إذا مات الإنسان انقطع عمله إلا من ثلاث: صدقة جارية ، أو عمل ينتفع به أو ولد صالح يدعو له رواه مسلم
When the son of Adam dies, only three things benefit him; sadaqah, knowledge he left behind and pious offspring.
The only way they can help us after we die is if we give them the correct Tarbiyyat. It comes in one Hadith,
ما نَحَلَ وَالِدٌ وَلَداً من نَحْلٍ أفضل من أدبٍ حَسَنٍ أخرجه الترمذي
“Theirs nothing better which a father can give his child, than good etiquettes.”
اكرموا أولادكم و أحسنوا أدبهم . ابن ماجة
“Honour your children and teach them good manners.”
And we will be asked regarding them, الا كلكم راع و كلكم مسؤل عن رعيته.
قال ابن عباس: ليس شيء أقر لعين المؤمن من ان يري زوجته و أولاده مطيعين لله
(و نقل البغوي مثل هذا عن القرظي)
Ibn Abbas RA said, theirs nothing more cooler for a believer’s eyes than for him to see his wife and children obedient to Allah.
Someone has said: Love should never be a barrier in teaching your child the right thing.
Someone else said: we are an obedient nation, first to our parents now to our kids.
Your children must know that as a parent, you are always there for them, otherwise they will go out and look for comfort elsewhere.
But, parents need to realise they too are slaves of Allah. His rights over them precede their rights. Don’t become enslaved to them such that you forget Him.
Children see and hear with their eyes. If you want them to hear, make them see. Parents should be role models.
Develop ‘thinking’ in your child. Otherwise they will do things in order to fulfil their desires. Today, in the guise of ‘freedom’ we are being directed to become more bestial. And social media plays a big role in educating children, SO MAKE SURE you know what your child is looking at. DON’T ignore them!
4 key qualities need to be developed in your child:
1. Taharah طهارة: purity of the mind, body and heart.
2. Ikhbat اخبات: worship of Allah with utmost humility. Teach them the Qur’an, the love for the Salat, taqwa and zuhd – teach them they weren’t created to be attached to this world.
3. Samahah سماحة: a personality which comprises bravery, genorosity, patience, tolerance and controlling of desires. Life is not meant to be just about comfort; it requires struggle and striving.
4. Adalah عدالة: be just to them and teach them to be just to others.
Teaching your children when they are small is the best time because their hearts are clean like a sponge, they absorb everything. The poet says,
حرّض بنيك على الآداب في الصغر= كيما تقرَّ بهم عيناك في الكبر
و إنما مثل الآداب تجمعه=ا في عنفوان الصبا
كالنقش في الحجر
Teach your children good character when they are small so that your eyes can be cool when you get old. The example of teaching them in a young age is like carving on a rock.
May Allah make our children the coolness of our eyes and obedient to Allah.
We should make these duas for them on a daily basis:
رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلاَةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِي رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Mufti Usama Mahmad