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Imam Ahmed's 10 golden advices to his son on his wedding day

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3, Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

Translated by Abdul Rahim
Edited by Mawlana Abdus Subhan

13 Responses

  1. arshiya

    excellent article, this should be everywhere for all men to read

    A.R. Says:
    Jazakallah! May Allah give our menfolk the realisation of huqooqul ibaad Ameen

  2. Prince Nasir - say Marsha'Allah

    Assalaamualikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
    Jazak’allah Kharien dear shaykah for this advice I am sure my wife would appreciate it. :))

    Insha’allah I hope I can be a better person and a excellent husband.

    Shaykah – I would like to request some reference to the above 10 points. I hope this is possible

    Jazakum’allah Kharien
    Ws salaam

    Walaikumussalam w w

    Ameen. May Allah give us all tawfeeq to fulfil all due rights. May Allah make us good pious Muslims.

    The referance is what’sapp. My friend sheikh Zubair Malik Madani texted them to me in Arabic and urged me to translate, I will try to find out the reference and post it if possible.
    Don’t be too disturbed as this not a Hadith.

  3. Imran

    Can i please have the reference?

    —————- ————– ——————–

    References are needed for Quran and Hadith. As for the sayings of salaf, which are full of advices, there is no need for reference.

    I was sent this advice on whatsapp, in Arabic by an Arab friend. I did not ask him for the reference. I translated it for the benefit of the English speaking community. If you like it accept it, if you don’t, there is no harm.

  4. Usman Ahmad

    Very good words of wisdom. may Allah give us the strenght and will to always utilise it. i hope to apply it as soon as am back to my family….infact cant wait to see my dear wife Khadeejah……….U Ahmad

  5. I really think about the reason you called
    this posting, “Imam Ahmed

    ————— ————– ———-

    Sorry my mistake

    I should have explained clearly that this is Imam Ahmed Ibn Hanbal rahmatullahi alayhi .

    He happens to be one of the four great imams of Islamic fiqh (jurisprudence). His research is accepted, trusted and followed by many in the Arab countries.

  6. Jamiu bn. Abdul Azeez Ogunsola

    May God guide us . A sincere advice for long relationship in peace and harmony.
    Kindly assist to get another aalim advice to the girls .

  7. Asif

    Jazakallah. Excellent advice for all prospective grooms as well as for all married men. As a part of pre-marriage counselling, a copy of this set of golden advices must be provided/furnished to prospective groom by his friends and elders enabling him to follow as guide for success of his marital life.

  8. maulanabilal

    This was received as Īmām Ahmed’s advice upon his son but upon investigation it turned out to be related to Shaykh Abdul Lateef Albareejawi who related this advice to his son. Allāh knows best.

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