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Q592: Parents won't let me go in jamaa't

Question: My parents are not allowing me to go out for jama’at. What can I do?

Answer: It is incumbent upon you to obey your parents if they have a genuine reason for prohibiting you from going out in jama’at.

It is stated in Radd al-Muhtar vol. 4, p. 124:
طاعة الوالدين فرض عين
Obedience of one’s parents is obligatory

You should therefore talk to your parents and try to ascertain why they are against you going out for jama’at. They might be elderly or not well, thus in need of your khidmat, Eg. in going for hospital appointments or just doing the daily shopping or taking them around. Or they love you so much that they might not be able to bear your separation and would have sleepless nights remembering you.

One sahabi asked permission from rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to go in jihad. He enquired as to whether he had parents. When the answer was given in the affirmative, he (saw) said ففيهما فجاهد “then your jihad should be in them” ie. Your reward is in their khidmat.

However, if after speaking with them, you discover that their is no genuine reason for forbidding you, then you should try and convince them by listing the benefits of jama’at that you are going for your own rectification and you will be back within a few days. Mention the sawab of going in in the path of Allah and narrate the sacrifices of the sahaba and sahabiyyaat.

Even in this, you should always maintain the utmost respect for your parents as it states in the Qur’an:

فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا
Say not to them [so much as], “uff” and do not repel them, but speak to them a noble word (17:23)

It also states in the Qur’an:
وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا
“And if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness” (31:15)

The above verse shows that even if one’s parents force one to commit shirk, they should still be kind to them.

This is all the more true in your case so you should always treat your parents with deference and try to convince them with respect. (IsmailL 2/12)

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