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Q629: Advice for a revert sister

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Asalamu Aleykum wa rahmutullahi wa barakatuhu,

Question: I embraced Islam 4 and a half years ago when I was 17, I am now 21. I and my 2 elder sisters came to Islam at the same time Alhumdulillah, I was still in school and as they were elder and more able they left our parental home in order to practice Islam, as our family was not accepting of Islam. In all this, I was left behind to practice in secret, I learnt the basics of Salah and was able to offer the Salah with difficulty, but not impossibly.

As time has passed my family and the relationship with my sisters is strained, and they still are not accepting of the fact that they want to practice Islam, they feel betrayed by my sisters that they left, and are bitter towards Islam, but they do not know the truth in Islam, insha’Allah one day. My parents are amazing Masha ‘Allah regardless of the fact that they are of the kafiroon, they are loving parents of 6 children, who nurtured and gave us the best of upbringings that guided and shaped 3 of their daughters into Muslims Alhumdulillah, Allah SWT willed it. My obligation to my parents is a must, my attachment is naturally strong, keeping in mind how does a parent cope with losing a third child? May Allah SWT guide them. Please make du’a for my family.

So I find myself more torn with a ‘good’ time to tell my family of my faith as I see how upset, depressed and ill they became and still are when their two daughters left, so I remained with my family and didn’t hasten to make them aware of my faith, and I take this as my opportunity to be a bridge for my non-Muslim family and my Muslims sisters, and in effect I take the opportunity to give dawah in any way I can.

After a year and a half of taking shahadah, I moved to university in another city to allow myself to practice without actually leaving my family, I still visit every weekend , and every term holiday as I’m very close to my family.

So my question is aimed at Hijab, and the reason why I have given such a detailed background account is so that I make my situation clear, in my experience the advice I have received from fellow Muslims is simply “leave home” or “get married”, which is all very good advice I agree, but the dunya is not all black and white. When looking on the Islam Q and A website I am taking the advice of:

“But we advise you not to hasten to disclose your Islam or pray openly if you fear that your family may cause you trouble and that you will not be able to bear their annoyance and harm…”

I am aware that I will be faced with disclosing Islam one day, but I don’t feel it is time yet, even 4 and a half years later although initially I never thought I’d still be in this situation to this very day. I wear lose/ modest clothing covering everything but the hair, face and hands.

I personally want to observe the hijab as I know it is fard upon me, but I do not want to dishonour nor direspect the hijab by wearing it 50/50, neither am I comfortable with neglecting it 100%.

Will I be punished for this, am I trespassing Allahs SWT command or bending the deen, am I held accountable for these actions?

So should I be observing hijab while away from my parents?

Is it permissible to remove hijab when I enter my hometown where my family lives?

What would you recommend?

Jazak’Allah for the nisiyah you provide, and the time you have taken to read this.

I hope this message finds you in the best of health and at the peak of eeman.

Asalamu Aleykum wa rahmuttullahi wa barakatu.


Answer: May Allah make understanding of Deen easy for your parents in the same way as He has made it easy for you. May Allah give them Hidayah and open the doors of Jannah for them too. Ameen.

Observe hijab as much as possible. One sister was in a similar situation to yours, so When she would get close to her house, she would stop her car, take the hijab off and put it in her handbag. When leaving, she would drive for a bit then stop and put her hijab on.

She used to do this until she found the courage to tell her parents. They accepted her, now she is married and has 2 beautiful sons. Her parents also adore them and they are most happy with her and the life she has chosen.

When she embraced islam, she was in a similar situation to yours. I adviced her to serve her parents to the maximum limit, which she did by doing all the housework. When they asked about the reason for this change in her, she said islam has taught me to do parents’ khidmat. In this way she won her parents over.

Again, I pray that Allah makes things easy for you and help you in your sincere and honest endeavours in practicing on Deen. Ameen.

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